Am I Qualified?
Do you ever tell yourself, "I have done too many bad things for God to use me.”? Or maybe, "I have done this one really bad thing. There is no way I can overcome it, and God definitely can't use this for His good." I think I am safe to assume that we have all thought this at one point or another. I am one of those people. The thing is, that is what Satan wants us to think. That is not how our loving God sees us.
Just recently, I have come to the realization that God works through our mistakes. No, we should not look at a mistake and just say, "Oh well, God still loves me!" And then go make that same mistake again. We have to repent and grow closer to Him, or it becomes a never-ending cycle of mistakes and guilt. When we repent, we can look back at our mistakes and learn from them. And sometimes it even helps us relate to other people, which is one way God can use our mistakes for His glory. It is much more difficult for someone who doesn't know God to relate to someone they think is perfect. It is okay to be vulnerable sometimes.
If someone came up to me 2 1/2 years ago, when I was probably at one of the lower points in my life and told me that I would be longing to be a missionary in Serbia, I would think they were crazy! If I am being honest, I had never even heard of Serbia until a little over 2 years ago, much less gone on a mission trip. But I have been a total of 4 times now, and I can't imagine any other life for myself at the moment. With that being said, I had an opportunity to go to a 6-month discipleship training school in February, but the school did not end up running due to a lack of employees and students. I was ready to go, but God did not let it happen. I couldn't understand at the time why He was doing this. Was it punishment because of something I had done? Was I unqualified? These were some of the questions that ran through my mind. But deep down, even though the doubt, I knew God had a bigger plan for me than what I could imagine. And honestly, I still don't know what that plan is, but I have my trust in Him now, and that is SO much more comforting! I have to let go of control because let's face it, I'm not in control anyway!