Have You Ever Wanted Something So Badly It Hurt?
Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurt? Well, that is what I am going through right now. My desires have not always lined up with what God wanted for my life, but I feel like they do at the moment. I have been on mission to Serbia, a small country in Eastern Europe, four times. I love the people and the culture over there, but my heart also breaks for the hardships they go through and lack of Jesus over there. This is where I feel God calling me…the mission field. For a living. Crazy, right? But, isn’t that what He calls us to be?
I have been waiting to hear the results of an application I submitted over a month ago. It is something that would completely change my life. I would move to a foreign country for 6 months, quit my job, and at the end I would be eligible to become a full-time missionary! But it is something God has put on my heart, and I want to please Him no matter what I do.
With that being said, I was completely stressed out yesterday about not hearing back from the leaders of this school. I let it affect my mood and how I treated the people who are close to me. I forgot about the big picture and was only looking at what was right in front of me. I have a tattoo on my foot in memory of one of my friends, and it includes the Bible verse Philippians 4:6. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. v7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.” For just a few hours, I forgot all about this verse and was trying to lean on myself instead of God. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” I was reminded of this late last night, so I wrote out the prayer that I had been reciting all day on a piece of paper. And then, I physically gave it to God. It was never in my hands, but that is how I was acting. I have done everything in my power, so now it is in the hands of God. It felt like a weight was physically lifted from my shoulders. I don’t know why I ever try to handle things on my own.
I know that if I don’t get accepted into this school that God has something better for me here, whether that be for the next year, or if I stay here for the rest of my life. Sometimes I want to push back when God says no, but it is much more rewarding to be obedient. I have seen the results of my obedience in the past, and it is so wonderful how God works! When God closes one door, He always opens another, but we have to look for it. If we turn around and pout, we will miss the opportunities He has blessed us with. I have experienced both firsthand, and even though it may be difficult to move past the door that was closed, you won’t regret it in the long run. God is good, all the time!